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Thoughts
I’ve been reflecting a lot over the past few days on where I’ve gotten to in this project.
This project was meant for me to prepare myself for my senior project, to refresh my ideas on my art, and to push myself. I’m at the point where I’m getting tired of doing something small like this each day – not that I don’t think it’s not continuing to be helpful to me and not that I regret doing this – oh no, really the opposite: These tiny projects day after day are reviving a hunger to work on something long-term. I feel ready and excited to start my senior project.
I don’t have a concrete plan of what my subject will be, I feel confident in how I will work and how I will rebound from obstacles.
This project was never truly about the things I ended up making,
but rather about reflection on art and myself as an artist.
Right now I feel this motivation to put real care and thought into something long-term, and I feel good. But I do also feel tired, like a normal person. And I do feel that summer is closing.
Mostly, I’m just ready to go back to the states.
It’s going to be the ending and the beginning and the ending and the beginning endlessly. That’s really racking my brain, too. The transition from my Finnish self to my American self is not always easy. They’re just different lifestyles – ones I love equally, and ones I want to preserve equally.
Brian came up with a great idea today during our Skype conversation (he’s in Montana, fulfilling a dream):
“You should find a way to preserve
what you feel like in Finland and bring it back to Bard
so you can always return to it when you need it.”
I think that’s one of the most intelligent pieces of advice I’ve ever been given. Because it’s easy to get bummed out and bored and to forget how happy you are or easily could be.
Preservation
I think the intention of preserving how I feel now was in the back of my mind when I was making these motivational posters. Everything just feels very clear right now. Summer in Finland has always rejuvenated me artistically – like clicking refresh. But I also know every year I lose this clarity quickly when I leave this environment.
So this year will be different – I’m making these positive posters for myself to help me remember how to keep calm and carry on. These posters come from the writings in my summer journal, things like:
“don’t judge yourself as an artist by what you’ve done so much as what you’re doing or going to do”
“you are not the sum of your work and outcome, but the sum of your care and thought”
“do something you want to do and not something you should do”
“if you don’t like what you’re doing, do something else”
“don’t worry. you will make so much in your life.”
And to the bottom of my when making art poster, I added:
TODAY!
ACTUAL THINGS I DID TODAY, BESIDES THINKING
1 played with Chinese watercolors and sketched one of the sunflowers we have here in the house
2 made some vector logo designs to help me get the ball rolling on business card / new website header designs (ugh, looking at these together makes me feel so self-centric! EMMA MALLINEN EMMA MALLINEN EMMA MELON?)
3 started drawing this log, something symbolic, something I’ll explain tomorrow when I finish it.
LOGOS BIZ CARD DESIGN DOODLES
LOG IN PROGRESS
…oh, and I made moussaka today. Cooking as long as possible before the Bard cafeteria!
Caitlin
The sunflower is gorgeous, I love it. You’re going awesome places, and though it’s not always awesome getting yourself to get moving, it’s always awesome at points.
Today during my drive up to Bard with mum she got frustrated because she didn’t realize she’d picked a route on Google maps that was mostly highway. We were driving in a 35 mph zone through Pocono park and she said she wished she’d picked a route using more Interstate so she could go faster. I turned and looked out the window at the lovely trees, the lush bushes, and the unkempt vines, which we wouldn’t have been able to see had we used the Interstate. I said “it sure is beautiful, though.” She paused and looked out, sort of surprised. “You’re right, it is.”
Always remember: sometimes you get so frustrated with something, especially when you think you’ve gone the wrong way (or picked the slow route), that you can’t see the truly magical landscape just outside the car window.
Second opinions can be helpful.
(But not always – choose wisely.)
(This, I think, is a large part of your motivational posters, which I love. I just wanted to share. <3)
Aug 18, 2010 @ 2:58 am
Emma
So true, so true. Thanks so much for sharing that moment – that sounds so lovely. You have the peace of a Buddha even in the face of aggravating circumstances! (Apparently in Buddhism you’re not supposed to make judging statements, so instead of saying “Ugh, it’s an awful day today” you say “Today it rains.” Key to long term happiness? No clue.)
Second opinions from people you admire. I.E. you’re gonna hafta visit mah studioooo sometimeallthetime. <3
Aug 18, 2010 @ 11:03 pm